(warning :
this is a Report! post, i just write things running through my mind randomly, so if it sounds stupid, abstract, in a random order and not following common manner of language, please understand)

know what?
i do “well” enough when facing female (when talking to each other and so), but i can not even reach “good” state when facing someone (female) i have feeling with.
however beautiful (and/or famous) she is, as long as i don’t have feeling for her, and it’s a normal situation, i’m doin’ just fine.
but if i have feeling for her, i was a nervous-trying-to-keep-my-cool-what-to-say-now-calm-down! type of man. sometimes i would just ignore her, and talk to other person there to keep the nervous-level down, while occasionally turn my eyes to her.

lately that has changed a bit though,
now i no longer have the nervous-sweat in most cases (in some cases still do), so it’s now trying-to-keep-my-cool-calm-down!

one thing that’s still the same is, i never been able to stare at her, i mean an examining-stare. the longest time i can do an examining-stare at someone (i have feeling with) is probably around 10 seconds, my average time is 5 secs.
that could be extended if she’s looking at me too, trying to get me *in* to the conversation, some people just do that.
this is not the case when the female is my girlfriend, though sometimes it occures on some ocassions that demand it.